life in a box

mmm. packing.

yes that's right.
i'm packing to move into our new house, a la Mt. Eliza.
this is what i see right now...

i'm sitting on my bed an a pile of empty cd covers to my left.
a stack of music and photo cds to my right.
without covers.
a full bin in front of my feet, next to that there is a cd rack with more cds stacked in it and on it, in covers. clothes and pillows in the floor.
cupboard open with things hanging out;
posters, shoeboxes, clothes, softtoys. school bag open.
and my v bottles arranged in a lovely .. love heart shape. on the floor.
and here i am at the back of my room, staring out at my mess.
proud :)

mmm. so there's ultravox playing in the background.
it's a tape. we found tapes :)
and ive got jimmy barnes playing in my laptop.
hahaha funny.
its kinda strange.

i had the weirdest moment before.
you know when your whole life flashes before your eyes just before you die?
yeah well that happened to me, just not before dying lol.
i put in a cd labeled "videos "
and all these clips starting playing nonstop, one after the other.
me and bec singing, me and amber on the couch, my cousins messing around, rolling down a hill in year 8, jimmy on a tree at a swimming carni, asha's party, trying to skid.......

it was crazy.
i was in shock.
seriously i was.

mmm. chyeah well id better get back to packing.
school tomorrow.
this is gonna suck.
i'll hardly see David, i'll have to do homework and spend 99% of my time in school uniform.

if i wasn't taoist i'd be praying to god that this term will go quickly.

'til next time,
boo.

a first problem

i have a problem
i haven't had a problem in about...
a month.
(excluding all the times ive said "i hate the world and the people in it", but that's not really personal.)
this problem is.
and because this is the internet,
you do NOT get the delightful pleasure of hearing me express what this problem actually is.
instead you get to see through my eyes for a bit.
it's not the worst i've written
infact i feel much better than this actually sounds.
that's poetry politics for you.

the feeling is strange
content with life
happyness becomes usual
but i take a nosedive
for once its not image
not looks of my own
its weird to feel something
that i don't really know
familiar with the darkness
caused by something unknown
will bring me back down
to a different kind of low
see through my eyes
a world unkind
stereotypical and stupid
blurring the mind
i'm lost in confusion
am i doing this right
why can't i be like others
withstanding the fight
what i want most
i'm lacking the need
though it feel it in my head
its not there bodily
tensing my jaw
and clenching my fists
i want to hit life's balls
and cut it's wrists
a first problem for me
new persona and all
as ive risen above
now i'll carefully fall.

love,
boo.