I have a new URL. It is www.madaboutthemind.blogspot.com
I hope you're all doing well.
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Monday, May 24, 2010
fresh start... again.
Would appreciate if you guys would follow my new blog.
I'm keeping it anonymous now so I dont want to promote it.
http://www.onegirlathousandwords.wordpress.com/
Thanks.
I'm keeping it anonymous now so I dont want to promote it.
http://www.onegirlathousandwords.wordpress.com/
Thanks.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
?
i'm at a bigger dead end than i was last time i took a break from blogging.
i've been drunk for the past 2 days.
i'm fucked.
fuck.
i'm lost.
and i'm really, really scared.
i've been drunk for the past 2 days.
i'm fucked.
fuck.
i'm lost.
and i'm really, really scared.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
mental holiday
i'll be taking a break from the blogging world for a while.
i feel empty, despite his efforts, and mine.
and i can't bear to write, let alone think.
maybe the next drunken week at Schoolies will put my mind at ease.
so long, for now.. and take care.
love, Katie.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
all or nothing
first of all, can anybody tell me how i can get notified of comments?
i always tend to have to go into my blog and check.
i just want one of those things like on myspace where it's like "new comments!"
ha, i'm lazy.
i decided that this whole 'losing weight slowly and healthily' thing was just a load of BS.
it was TOO slow, and i gave up and binged. it's all or nothing for me.
starting next monday, i will be fasting and restricting for summer.
shouldn't be hard at all, considering i won't have exams to worry about and i can be anywhere and do whatever i want :)
can't wait til freedom.
the only thing that sucks about the upcoming freedom is it has to be summer.
i HATE summer.
i despise it.
Here's a list why:
1. It's too hot to exercise, let alone MOVE
2. I get all sweaty and look like a bloated tomato
3. I have to wear clothes that reveal my fat-ness.
4. I break down a lot because of my lack of decent-looking clothing options
5. Clothes shopping is depressing, especially with...
6. BIKINIS!!!!!!!!
7. Can't eat soups :(
8. Having sex is exhausting and makes you all gross and sticky (and not for a good reason)
9. Sleeping in the same bed as my boyfriend is hard because he is a human furnace
10. People don't hug as much :( i love hugs :(
11. I hate icypoles, so when I'm hot i have to resort to icky Ice cream that melts everywhere and makes you stickier than summer sex
12. Makes me crave ice cream more.
13. CBF SUNSCREENING
14. ...and that leads to painful sunburn
15. You have to wear sunglasses and they slide off your nose and get annoying
17. My eye makeup (my trademark) sweats off
18. Having to deal with questions about why I like to wear tshirts and boardies over my bathers (fat stomach and scars on my legs)
19. The Beach! (bikinis + icky sand + salty water = PISSED OFF KATIE)
20. People always want to go out for fish and chips, which usually leads to B/P
21. Salads get boring after a while
22. Did I mention looking like a bloated tomato?
23. Can't do one of my favourite past-times, walking to Frankston, because of the heat
24. Too many BUGS! (i have a phobia of all insects)
25. Lack of sleep due to trying to kill all the aforementioned bugs
26. Being woken up by a buzzing mosquito just as I'm about to fall asleep!
27. Dresses. YUCK.
28. Have to show my fat arms.
29. BUGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSS
30. Lack of motivation because of the stupid heat.
31. Winter coldness burns more calories.
Enough said?
Even so, here are some upsides that will benefit me this summer:
1. Too hot to heat fatty foods (aka chocolate, pasta, curries etc)
2. Excuse to just eat salads, it's too hot for anything else!
3. Cold water to boost metabolism
4. Yummy low-calorie fruit.
5. BOOST FRUIT SMOOOOTHIES when going out for lunch. once again, too hot for anything else.
chyeah. and that's about it as far as the good bits of summer goes.
so NOT looking forward to it.
NOTE TO SELF: this is not the time to be writing blogs, go study for your exams tomorrow!
i always tend to have to go into my blog and check.
i just want one of those things like on myspace where it's like "new comments!"
ha, i'm lazy.
i decided that this whole 'losing weight slowly and healthily' thing was just a load of BS.
it was TOO slow, and i gave up and binged. it's all or nothing for me.
starting next monday, i will be fasting and restricting for summer.
shouldn't be hard at all, considering i won't have exams to worry about and i can be anywhere and do whatever i want :)
can't wait til freedom.
the only thing that sucks about the upcoming freedom is it has to be summer.
i HATE summer.
i despise it.
Here's a list why:
1. It's too hot to exercise, let alone MOVE
2. I get all sweaty and look like a bloated tomato
3. I have to wear clothes that reveal my fat-ness.
4. I break down a lot because of my lack of decent-looking clothing options
5. Clothes shopping is depressing, especially with...
6. BIKINIS!!!!!!!!
7. Can't eat soups :(
8. Having sex is exhausting and makes you all gross and sticky (and not for a good reason)
9. Sleeping in the same bed as my boyfriend is hard because he is a human furnace
10. People don't hug as much :( i love hugs :(
11. I hate icypoles, so when I'm hot i have to resort to icky Ice cream that melts everywhere and makes you stickier than summer sex
12. Makes me crave ice cream more.
13. CBF SUNSCREENING
14. ...and that leads to painful sunburn
15. You have to wear sunglasses and they slide off your nose and get annoying
17. My eye makeup (my trademark) sweats off
18. Having to deal with questions about why I like to wear tshirts and boardies over my bathers (fat stomach and scars on my legs)
19. The Beach! (bikinis + icky sand + salty water = PISSED OFF KATIE)
20. People always want to go out for fish and chips, which usually leads to B/P
21. Salads get boring after a while
22. Did I mention looking like a bloated tomato?
23. Can't do one of my favourite past-times, walking to Frankston, because of the heat
24. Too many BUGS! (i have a phobia of all insects)
25. Lack of sleep due to trying to kill all the aforementioned bugs
26. Being woken up by a buzzing mosquito just as I'm about to fall asleep!
27. Dresses. YUCK.
28. Have to show my fat arms.
29. BUGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSS
30. Lack of motivation because of the stupid heat.
31. Winter coldness burns more calories.
Enough said?
Even so, here are some upsides that will benefit me this summer:
1. Too hot to heat fatty foods (aka chocolate, pasta, curries etc)
2. Excuse to just eat salads, it's too hot for anything else!
3. Cold water to boost metabolism
4. Yummy low-calorie fruit.
5. BOOST FRUIT SMOOOOTHIES when going out for lunch. once again, too hot for anything else.
chyeah. and that's about it as far as the good bits of summer goes.
so NOT looking forward to it.
NOTE TO SELF: this is not the time to be writing blogs, go study for your exams tomorrow!
Friday, November 6, 2009
insight
i noticed i have a couple of new followers... and i think it may be because i'm following a blog called "quest for perfection". the writer intrigues me, reminds me somewhat of myself, and it makes me feel less alone in my struggles to read other people's struggles too.
people are entitled to follow me as they please (hey, i've never had followers before this blog, hehe), but i just want everyone to know that i'm not 'pro-ana', as in, i don't like to encourage the anorexia 'lifestyle' and urge people to starve, throw up, take laxatives, overexercise etc. to get thin. i recognise that it is a mental illness, i also recognise that people can 'choose' it, somehow... i did, i guess (big mistakey)... but just don't read me for tips and tricks and thinspo.
any thinspo that i look at is for my eyes only, not for this blog. this blog is just my journey.
Okay all said and done :)
i was reading a blog i've joined called "trying to save her life", its written by a boy who's girlfriend has got an eating disorder. (funnily enough, his girlfriend writes the blog i mentioned before).
i love this, because i rarely get to see the thoughts of my boy in relation to what i do.
i know he hated the throwing up, and hates the starving, but, as with any average boy, he has a hard time expressing his emotions.
so this blog is providing me with some insight into the boy's mind. the link to the blog is on the side bar under 'blogs i like' if you want to check it out.
anyway. he's just started out and in his second entry he mentioned that he cried himself to sleep one night after she told him she threw up.
this is really confronting for me... i usually try to forget that the boy ever did/does that when he's upset. the fact such a trivial action to me, throwing up, could have such a HUGE impact on someone that loves me, is hard to deal with and think about.
i hate upsetting him. and this was motivation enough to end my bulimic behaviours, which have been rare in the past month. i just hope that my recent endeavour to lose weight AGAIN doesn't upset him as much :(
people are entitled to follow me as they please (hey, i've never had followers before this blog, hehe), but i just want everyone to know that i'm not 'pro-ana', as in, i don't like to encourage the anorexia 'lifestyle' and urge people to starve, throw up, take laxatives, overexercise etc. to get thin. i recognise that it is a mental illness, i also recognise that people can 'choose' it, somehow... i did, i guess (big mistakey)... but just don't read me for tips and tricks and thinspo.
any thinspo that i look at is for my eyes only, not for this blog. this blog is just my journey.
Okay all said and done :)
i was reading a blog i've joined called "trying to save her life", its written by a boy who's girlfriend has got an eating disorder. (funnily enough, his girlfriend writes the blog i mentioned before).
i love this, because i rarely get to see the thoughts of my boy in relation to what i do.
i know he hated the throwing up, and hates the starving, but, as with any average boy, he has a hard time expressing his emotions.
so this blog is providing me with some insight into the boy's mind. the link to the blog is on the side bar under 'blogs i like' if you want to check it out.
anyway. he's just started out and in his second entry he mentioned that he cried himself to sleep one night after she told him she threw up.
this is really confronting for me... i usually try to forget that the boy ever did/does that when he's upset. the fact such a trivial action to me, throwing up, could have such a HUGE impact on someone that loves me, is hard to deal with and think about.
i hate upsetting him. and this was motivation enough to end my bulimic behaviours, which have been rare in the past month. i just hope that my recent endeavour to lose weight AGAIN doesn't upset him as much :(
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
jumbled
i realised i forgot to add labels to my entry yesterday.
that's my perfectionist side talking.
i have a lot on my mind.
it's going to take a lot of training to write blog entries about ONE OR TWO things, because i always think too much.
first thing i want to bring up is my anxiety about writing this blog.
i've had some fair negative experiences in the ED world. the few communities i've been a part of that are supposed to "support" me in my recovery ... well, lets just say that the ED world is prejudice, and nasty.
for example, apparently i'm not allowed to personalise my ED and name it.
also, i'm not allowed to say that 300 calories is a binge.
i'm not allowed to say that i want to be thin, and thats the cause of my disorder.
just a few things i want to get some perspective on.
here's my two cents:
- i'm allowed to call my ED whatever the hell i want. if i want to call her 'ana' or
Ed, or Katrina, and you want to call me 'wannarexic', then go nuts, starvation is obviously driving you to bitch-hood. for everyone's information, detatching an eating disorder so that it is separate from the body is a very effective way of getting rid of it.
- 300 calories may seem HUGE to anyone! you can't call it eating 'normally'. no one eats normally. and eating 300 calories in lightening speed and then feeling guilty afterwards could definately be classified as a binge. a short one, but a binge. (look up the definition)
- now the thinness.. is not something im sure about. i KNOW i want to be thin, and thats what drove me into this. but apparently eating disorders arent about being thin... i dont really know what to think.
classifications and definitions and standards... are all bitches.
second thing thats weighing on my mind is recovery.
one thing i'm certain of, is that i HATE the bulimic side of my ED. that's the only reason i went for self-recovery. because i hated the binging and purging. plus, it was making me fat.
but now i'm being 'strong', and i've cut off bulimia for a while now ( two weeks haha)... i dont seem to want to get rid of the controlling, perfectionist, anorexic side of my ED.
thoughts about the monster, and my lack of a substaining lunch today.. just seem appealing, rather than revolting. 1200 calories seems massive to me right now. yet its supposed to be my minimum intake.
oops, times up. school is looming ahead.
this blog will be continued, with more about depression and lack of wanting to do stuff.
that's my perfectionist side talking.
i have a lot on my mind.
it's going to take a lot of training to write blog entries about ONE OR TWO things, because i always think too much.
first thing i want to bring up is my anxiety about writing this blog.
i've had some fair negative experiences in the ED world. the few communities i've been a part of that are supposed to "support" me in my recovery ... well, lets just say that the ED world is prejudice, and nasty.
for example, apparently i'm not allowed to personalise my ED and name it.
also, i'm not allowed to say that 300 calories is a binge.
i'm not allowed to say that i want to be thin, and thats the cause of my disorder.
just a few things i want to get some perspective on.
here's my two cents:
- i'm allowed to call my ED whatever the hell i want. if i want to call her 'ana' or
Ed, or Katrina, and you want to call me 'wannarexic', then go nuts, starvation is obviously driving you to bitch-hood. for everyone's information, detatching an eating disorder so that it is separate from the body is a very effective way of getting rid of it.
- 300 calories may seem HUGE to anyone! you can't call it eating 'normally'. no one eats normally. and eating 300 calories in lightening speed and then feeling guilty afterwards could definately be classified as a binge. a short one, but a binge. (look up the definition)
- now the thinness.. is not something im sure about. i KNOW i want to be thin, and thats what drove me into this. but apparently eating disorders arent about being thin... i dont really know what to think.
classifications and definitions and standards... are all bitches.
second thing thats weighing on my mind is recovery.
one thing i'm certain of, is that i HATE the bulimic side of my ED. that's the only reason i went for self-recovery. because i hated the binging and purging. plus, it was making me fat.
but now i'm being 'strong', and i've cut off bulimia for a while now ( two weeks haha)... i dont seem to want to get rid of the controlling, perfectionist, anorexic side of my ED.
thoughts about the monster, and my lack of a substaining lunch today.. just seem appealing, rather than revolting. 1200 calories seems massive to me right now. yet its supposed to be my minimum intake.
oops, times up. school is looming ahead.
this blog will be continued, with more about depression and lack of wanting to do stuff.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
a new beginning
So, i'm beginning my blog journey again.
why?
I've been reading a blog (a retired blog, but an awesome one nonetheless) by Stephanie Quilao (http://www.backinskinnyjeans.com/) and it has really inspired me to start blogging again.
i have had many blogs in my lifetime.
Here they are, in order of starting date..
http://kittykatie.spaces.live.com/
http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=51078795
http://in-thedeep.livejournal.com/
aaand this one.
(i also had a diaryland.com diary, but i don't think i even used it!)
so yes.. brief introduction on me, if i'm actually going to take this blog thing seriously.
My name is Katie, and i'm 17 years old.
I live in Australia and I go to a private all-girls school, which i absolutely hate! but i'm exactly 60 days away from finishing year 12, which is rather exciting! :)
I've had issues with food and body image since I was 14, and I'm hoping that (as I've seen from many other bloggers) blogging will help me through my journey of overcoming it.
Hoping to meet many people along the way too :)
This should be fun.
why?
I've been reading a blog (a retired blog, but an awesome one nonetheless) by Stephanie Quilao (http://www.backinskinnyjeans.com/) and it has really inspired me to start blogging again.
i have had many blogs in my lifetime.
Here they are, in order of starting date..
http://kittykatie.spaces.live.com/
http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=51078795
http://in-thedeep.livejournal.com/
aaand this one.
(i also had a diaryland.com diary, but i don't think i even used it!)
so yes.. brief introduction on me, if i'm actually going to take this blog thing seriously.
My name is Katie, and i'm 17 years old.
I live in Australia and I go to a private all-girls school, which i absolutely hate! but i'm exactly 60 days away from finishing year 12, which is rather exciting! :)
I've had issues with food and body image since I was 14, and I'm hoping that (as I've seen from many other bloggers) blogging will help me through my journey of overcoming it.
Hoping to meet many people along the way too :)
This should be fun.
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