cosmopolitan

out of sheer boredom, i bought a cosmo magazine today.
sitting on my ass is not as fun as you may think.

and i was pleasantly surprised.

within the 50 page body love issue,
within the "so you've lost weight, now what?" articles,
within the stick thin model ads,
i found something reminiscent of Lizzie Miller.
i found cellulite, and i found rolls of fat,
and it was beautiful!

i've been leaning more towards body love lately.
i bought myself a new pair of bikinis.
they're red and polka dotty :)
anddd.... i wore them without board shorts.
i haven't worn bathers without boardies since i was a wee kiddo.
this was my biggest accomplishment this year.

and the boy loved my body in them :)

i've had thoughts of bingeing and starvation, i'm leaning more towards starvation.
will i truly look better?
my hope is fading, because my mum doesn't want to get me liposuction on my stomach anymore.
i am afraid i'll have to live with this for ever.

beauty

I love this postsecret from last week...

In the midst of those women who think they are FAT because they are pregnant, this postsecret is a shining beacon. i know that the woman on the postcard looks skinny, but i guess they're the only pictures you can get of pregnant people on the net. but the woman BEHIND the postcard, the woman who is speaking through the picture, is a light of hope for pregnant women, and their body issues. It made me happy to see this. I hope one day, when I'm a mum, I'll feel as beautiful as the woman who sent in this card.