Flashback -2004

Written by me, on the 20th of April.

Love is like a drug;
you can't control it, you can't quit.
It makes you think differently and sometimes makes you a new person.
It controls your actions; under it's spell,
you'd do things you wouldn't expect.

Love makes you jealous, depressed and very hopeful,
though it will almost certainly break your heart.
When you look back at what you did,
you feel stupid.

Love is like a drug;
it's bad for you.

Flashback -2007

This is a poem I wrote on the 17th of April in 2007, while I was at my lowest weight of 46kg.
I don't show this to anybody.

NOT THE END.

Darkness takes over,
suffocated by pain.
Tears and blood;
all that escape.

Secrets that pour out
with pills and a blade,
anticipate the slice;
beautifully made.

Coldness sinks in,
white walls surround,
creeping slowly
up from the ground.

Soft skin breaks,
red stains the tiles.
Shattered face;
she flickers a smile.

Short breaths steady,
hair grazes the floor;
Silent screams for help.
Human No More.

Flashback -1997

I know this is my second blog for the day, but inspired by lisalisa I've decided to take a journey into my past, back to grade Prep.

I'm sitting at my table. Joy runs through me.
I set my eyes down upon my alphabet work, and the big, red ticks stare back, as if smiling up at me.
At that moment, 3 boys appear at my table.
I look up at them. They each Sneer.
The middle one, Luke, narrows his eyes, and the spikes in his hair seem to sharpen.
I try to feel confident. What could he possibly say?

"Hey Kaaatie", says Luke in a sing-song voice, "bet you can't spell!"
"I can so!" I say, rising up to the taunt. I stand, my heartbeat races. I know this will be easy, I am a great speller.
"Okay then, spell da" He teases.
What? That isn't a word. I stand confused, but I give it a shot anyway.
"D - A" I say, my voice calm and steady.
"Nope," he says. His smile stretches across his cold face. I am determined to get this right.
"D ... U?" I guess, uncertainly.
"Nope" he smirks. He seems to get bigger and bigger. I sink into the ground.
"D - E? D - O?" I try.
He shakes his head, laughing.
"What is it then?" I ask impatiently, wondering how in the world da could be spelt.
"It's T - H - E!" he says triumphantly, leaning forward as if trying to spear me with the letters.
All 3 of the boys laugh and walk away.

I am left standing there, dumbfounded, and I feel helpless.
He said DA! not THE! 
I am angry. But what can I say?
I feel like I'm trapped and there's nothing I can do. It's not fair.

The ticks on my work lay forgotten.
The happiness they gave me is lost, taken away from me by Luke.