i'm still feeling really low, not about ED but about everything else.
it sucks, that this blog has become so much about my ED.
because theres so much more going on.
i'm on the brink of a break up which i need to initiate.
me and boy have been together over 3 years, but i feel like i cant be myself around him. he wants me to stop everything, stop being self conscious, stop getting drunk at parties (come on, everyone does! this weekend was the first time ive been destructive with alcohol), stop hanging with my guy friends... hes holding me back. and i cant make him happy anymore. hes always upset because i always do something 'wrong'.
i feel really confused and scared and guilty about all this, but it needs to be done.
this is so HUGE for me to do... because i wont have protection from him anymore.
and im risking everything. half of me wants to stay and half of me has had enough of the boy i love so much. :(
yesterday i decided i didnt want to be home by myself, or around my family by myself, so i went to the gym to release some endorphins... it worked a bit, thank god. and i set to work finding people to see me for the next week, every day. haha.
as of now, three lovely girls are sleeping in my bed.
they dont know how much they saved me last night.
they dont know im writing this, becuase theyre half asleep.
they dont know whats going on in my head.
but they saved me.
ill be okay for now, ive got another friend picking me up in a couple of hours :)
love you all
x
3 comments:
friends are the ultimate lifesavers!
break ups are hard.
but you get through them.
it feels like you need boyfriends for something, but if they are asking you to change they are fighting a lost cause.
nobody can ask you to change or be something you are not.
love yourself for who you are, and think about all the great bits of you... your friends sounds magic!
good luck with your decision.
I am so glad you have some good friends :-) That is what life is about.
Boyfriends, hmmmmmmm, a tough one, only you can know. My only advice is that you have to know how to be independent before you can have a truly good relationship, but that's easier said than done, and perhaps your BF is good for you and truly cares for you if he gets as far as giving you sensible advice...
Drink: so what if everyone does it? If getting drunk makes you feel low, then it's not worth it. The gym sounds like a better option - followed by a good 3 course meal with friends.
PS sorry if I sound like your mother.
PPS thx for all your comments to me - they provide a really helpful insight and I appreciate them very much.
You can be so happy that you've got friends. Real friends are really rarely in our society. In your whole life you can find hounder freinds but only three or less are real friends. The catch you when you fall, there are always there if you need help. Thanks God that you got some friends like that.
It sounds a bit like that you are fed up with your boyfriend. Maybe you need a little hiatus. Don't break up with your boyfriend, because it seems that you really love him. Take a little hiatus, try to find yourself and what do you want.
It's very helpful to have a bath and think about your life and yourself. Take your time. Don't rush, no one badger you.
xoxo, katelunacy.
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