in the midst of extremely confusing circumstances.
my two friends have started dating. and my chick friend is the most stunning beautiful girl on the planet. and she's skinny without even trying. and she's not a bitch. and she's just all-round perfect.
i'm not jealous, so it took me a while to figure out why i felt so low and confused, and ate nutella and peanut butter... dead giveaway that something is wrong.
i think... its because she's so beautiful.
i just want to be like her.
now whenever i hang with my guy friend i'm going to be more self conscious because he's been with a girl with an amazing body, when im just a blob of fat. i know it doesnt matter to him and he thinks i'm perfect the way i am, but i can't help but think he'll compare me to her now.
i feel inadequate.
i should be working harder to be gorgeous and skinny for my boy, so he doesnt have to fuck a wobbly bag of lard. instead he should be admiring my toned, slim figure.
WELL, WHERE THE FUCK IS IT?
I. WANT. THIS. SO. FUCKING. BAD!
it's times like these i wish my boy didn't mind me cutting. i need him right now, and he isn't here. i want to feel the sting, reminding me of what i've yet to accomplish.
looking like i do, i'm not worthy of anyone.
2 comments:
yeah, today I told my husband that I'm going to wear a mumu until I lose some weight. He thinks I am ridiculous. Of course he loves me unconditionally. It sounds like your boy really cares about you, too. i bet when he looks at you he doesn't see your supposed flaws. He probably sees all the things he loves about you, the things that make you beautiful. Too bad we cant see ourselves the way they see us.
venahhh, good looking friends...i know what you mean. i have a couple and i'm always like ---"shiiit wha am i gonna wear to give me the illusion i'm just as hot as they are".
and, i can understand why you eat alot, i put on 2kgs for the hsc...maybe you did too?
ah! yay for you on friday. no more school for you. you having a lil celebration?
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