insight

i noticed i have a couple of new followers... and i think it may be because i'm following a blog called "quest for perfection". the writer intrigues me, reminds me somewhat of myself, and it makes me feel less alone in my struggles to read other people's struggles too.

people are entitled to follow me as they please (hey, i've never had followers before this blog, hehe), but i just want everyone to know that i'm not 'pro-ana', as in, i don't like to encourage the anorexia 'lifestyle' and urge people to starve, throw up, take laxatives, overexercise etc. to get thin. i recognise that it is a mental illness, i also recognise that people can 'choose' it, somehow... i did, i guess (big mistakey)... but just don't read me for tips and tricks and thinspo.
any thinspo that i look at is for my eyes only, not for this blog. this blog is just my journey.

Okay all said and done :)
i was reading a blog i've joined called "trying to save her life", its written by a boy who's girlfriend has got an eating disorder. (funnily enough, his girlfriend writes the blog i mentioned before).
i love this, because i rarely get to see the thoughts of my boy in relation to what i do.
i know he hated the throwing up, and hates the starving, but, as with any average boy, he has a hard time expressing his emotions.
so this blog is providing me with some insight into the boy's mind. the link to the blog is on the side bar under 'blogs i like' if you want to check it out.
anyway. he's just started out and in his second entry he mentioned that he cried himself to sleep one night after she told him she threw up.
this is really confronting for me... i usually try to forget that the boy ever did/does that when he's upset. the fact such a trivial action to me, throwing up, could have such a HUGE impact on someone that loves me, is hard to deal with and think about.

i hate upsetting him. and this was motivation enough to end my bulimic behaviours, which have been rare in the past month. i just hope that my recent endeavour to lose weight AGAIN doesn't upset him as much :(